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Schools

There's No Such Thing As A Bully: Choosing Our Words

The author shares a powerful experience in the classroom

Quite often, during a workshop, I’ll open up the floor and just have a question and answer period. I’ll sit down with the kids and we talk candidly about bullying.

I like to hear what solutions they might have. But sometimes it takes a while to break through certain barriers. Usually, for the first couple of minutes at least, I hear mostly what I know they’ve heard from others—slogans on the posters, catch phrases, etc. All of that is great, but it’s also important for us to hear what the students are truly thinking, about a situation they may deal with every day.

Last year I asked some elementary school kids what they thought about bullying. A young girl who was more than eager to share her thoughts, raised her hand and replied, as if she was simply repeating word-for-word what she’d been told at home, “Bullying is good for you because it makes you stronger.”

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My heart sank. The rest of the class immediately moaned in response and she suddenly changed her opinion.

“Not really, I guess you shouldn’t bully,” she said, realizing the impact of her words.

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It’s true that any bad experience can make you stronger. I actually understand why someone might say something like that to a child. I often talk with students about allowing a bad experience to fuel great achievement. 

But without more information, statements like that can lead a child to believe that bullying is a positive thing. It got me to thinking about how much children rely on us to help them gather and process information so they can learn to form their own opinions.

I do a lot of drama with the kids so I decided doing some playwriting together might be a good way to open up more communication. Our main character would be an advice columnist.

As we progressed, I asked the students to start thinking about questions each of our supporting characters might ask a person like Dear Abbey based on his or her point of view and perspective.

I think my favorite comment was when one girl raised her hand and said, “What about the popular girl asking what to do if you think you’re a bully, but you want to stop?”

“Yes,” I said. “Excellent!”

Then we brainstormed about more bullying dilemmas. Suddenly, I began hearing perspectives that came from their own personal experiences. They shot their hands up one-by-one, so much more comfortable to put forth their inquiries speaking through one of the characters we developed.

Once we had some good questions, we proceeded to come up with the replies. We talked about what advice they’d been given that worked and what didn’t—very revealing.

Eventually we all agreed on the basic positive responses, and decided the most powerful weapon against bullying was unity. If nobody tolerated bullying, and refused to stand by while it happened to someone else, it just might make a difference. So we got specific and began to focus on the definition of bullying, who to tell, and what to say, when they witnessed an incident or were the victim. 

It was great getting past that barrier and learning directly from them what the problems were. But just as important, I rediscovered how powerful our words are to children.

Clearly, they are listening, so we as adults really need to watch what we say.

Taryn Grimes-Herbert is the author of the I’ve Got character-building book series for children, and was 2010’s Woman of Achievement in the Arts Honoree for Orange County, NY. Calling upon her professional acting experience on Broadway, film and television, she speaks out and takes her books into classrooms hoping to help kids build character, develop empathy and learn to create a positive future through creative dramatics activities.

For more information, visit: http://www.ivegotbooks.netFacebook or Twitter.

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